if you keep telling me i'm too nice, i'll start thinking i can get away with anything.

version 19: candy crossing

sakusha is currently (feeling) The current mood of sakusha at www.imood.com


~* almost gone ~*~ Friday, December 21, 2007 *~

I think it has been 20 hours since I last slept, which doesn't seem like much. Staying awake was easy, what with all the "practice" I've had this past week.

I do feel tired--or at least, my eyes are tired. The fire alarm went off about 20 min before Jo and I were supposed to head downstairs for the shuttle, but we didn't evacuate right away, which is pretty reckless. But there wasn't a fire and I was loathe to leave without the luggage and having to make a trip back upstairs on limited time, or to lug suitcases down 4 flights of stairs. The alarm stopped sounding just as we were about to leave but the shuttle wasn't due for another 10 min. Jo was mildly upset at missing the last 10 min of a Chinese drama she had been watching on her comp before the alarm and a momentary electricity interruption (to silence the alarm, is my guess) reset her comp. I was just annoyed at having to be so rushed out the door.

If I'm lucky I won't be awake for much of this flight. I don't resort to medication to induce sleep, though. Wonder if I'll have (and remember) any more odd dreams.

~* 10:52 a.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* transition to vacation ~*~ Thursday, December 20, 2007 *~

It has only been a couple of days but I'm already feeling inundated by family. Amongst a flurry of packing and other preparations, I'm definitely feeling the tensions. Not sure if this bodes well, but then again, we somehow get through it.


Weather lately has been grey, rainy, meh. I feel a bit sluggish in general.


I had another weird dream a couple nights ago. Well, it was a nightmare, really. There were zombies in it. As one sister put it, "Who dreams about *zombies*?!"

Apparently, I did. -_-8


I don't think I can ever fit. I also don't think I can change enough to be acceptable to them. I'm not sure I would really want to, but a part of me wishes for acceptance. But acceptance for who I am, not what's "normal" by their standards. Why should it even matter? Ugh, weak. And yet, I have to remember that "it's a fool who plays it cool/By making his world a little colder."

I'm thankful that I at least have people I can warm up to. And "somebody to love" as well.


"So I'm a little left of center
I'm a little out of tune
Some say I'm paranormal
So I just bend their spoon
Who wants to be ordinary
In a crazy, mixed-up world
I don't care what they're sayin'
As long as I'm your girl

Hey, you are on my side
And they, they just roll their eyes

You get me
When nobody understands
You come and take the chance, baby
You get me"

Ms. Branch has a lovely voice as well. =)

~* 06:41 p.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* unburdened ~*~ Tuesday, December 18, 2007 *~

it's a lovely feeling to be done with exams. not sure if it quite makes up for the torment of actually having to take them, but eh. the closed book portion was much easier than the open book part, but i'm fairly sure that had to do with the amount of time i studied for the closed book portion, heh. then after the final i dropped by work to take care of payroll things and chat with my boss and other people i haven't seen in weeks. it was a nice pick-me-up.


she enchants me. this is my song currently. =) i even had it on my mind during the final. among other things.


hey jude. =)


inane online chat from a couple nights past:

fw: Yeah but I'm feeling sarcastic right now. Childhood trauma brought on by remembering how crappy my schooling was :D
me: hmm, think happy thoughts? like... uh... *flounders uselessly*
ix: Like, think about flounders
ix: And the Little Mermaid in general
me: i dunno, i wasn't much fond of the little mermaid. she wasn't very ambitious.
ix: She wanted to evolve
fw: Dude, she was the bimbo of the sea.
me: what fw said. she only wanted evolution for a guy. pfft.
fw: That and she looked to kidlike anyway.
fw: At least the other 'female drawings of evilness by disney' looked adultish.
ix: Oh, hmm. She wanted legs before she saw him! or, why am I arguing for him
ix: Or her, whichever she is
fw: Because you secretly want a mermaid.
me: i preferred belle, if we have to pick a disney princess to support.
fw: I dunno... Belle was...
fw: How to put it........
fw: She was a furryist.
fw: That's it. She was a furry.
ix: She was a live-in girlfriend. Terrible situation for a lady
me: true, that's a big drawback. but she wasn't originally in it for the guy, y'know?
ix: Stockholm Syndrome
fw: No, she was a furry for her father, which makes it Worse.
me: yeah, that kinda sucks, hehe.
me: and here i was just satisfied with her being literate.
fw: I don't think I honestly could choose one of the disney princess types if I ever had to.
ix: I'd support Jasmine in an election. Rich, but not snotty. A go-getter with high standards. Probably liberal, but not insanely so
fw: Either they were complete dumbasses, or they were complete hypocritical moronic furrist dumbasses.
me: mulan? but that just teaches us that girls have to pretend to be guys to get respect? or something.
fw: Dude, she was the highest hypocrit of all the princesses.
fw: OH YEAH!
fw: I change that, Mulan is my hunny.
fw: I stalked her at disneyland :D
ix: Mulan could pass for a man. Adam's apple?
fw: Creative makeup.
fw: She HAD To pass for a guy you know.
ix: Swallowed a frog for the voice, too
fw: Exactly.
me: i'm particularly thrilled at disney's interpretation of mulan that incorporated japanese elements passed off as 'chinese'... but that's probably a bit too nitpicky.
fw: Eh, I hate to say it, but I liked the little dragon dood.
fw: The second Mulan should never have been made...
ix: At least Jasmine married her significant other! Which of these other "princesses" made a commitment, eh?
fw: Just like cinderella 2 and 3 should never have been made.
fw: All of them?
fw: If you hadn't notiecd, most of them ended with the princesses running off to get married.
me: oh, dragons are definitely a chinese symbol. it was other little things, like sitting on the ground with a low table to eat. gah, fw. my youngest sister bought cinderella 3. i don't know why.
fw: Because she's been PROGRAMMED.
ix: Does the slipper still fit?!
fw: Obviously!
me: not after the evil stepmother went back in time to alter events!
fw: Or else he'd of divorced that frigid woman long ago!
ix: Oh, wow, time travel. That's some comic book material there. People coming back from the grave, too?
fw: Snowwhite did.
ix: Was she dead? I thought she was just in a coma
fw: The damn apple was poisoned, but she merely had it lodged in her throat. how does That work?
ix: So the prince was Heimlech, or what?
me: i'm not sure, never watched it. the blurb on the dvd box asks "what if the slipper didn't fit? ... When her evil stepmother gets hold of Fairy Godmother's magic wand and turns back the hands of time, Cinderella must try to find Prince Charming and break through the new spell."
fw: Wow...
fw: I'm not sure how to answer that one.
me: snow white's prince was probably seriously sucking tonsil to dislodge that apple piece. a disturbing thought. *looks for brain bleach*
ix: Yeah, I don't want to think of Prince Charming getting to second base with mostly-dead bodies
me: are they all named Charming?
ix: In my head, yes
fw: Why do you think he was called 'Prince Charming'? If he were really like his namesake, he'd have women crawling all over him and there'd be no need for him to be trolling the backwoods for corpses.
fw: What was the name of the prince that went after sleeping beauty?
ix: Charmeng
fw: And the one that went after Cinderella?
ix: Hell I dunno. I'm not making excuses for them, snobs that were born rich and had to do almost no work except look pretty
fw: Alls I can say is, Aladin was clearly gay.
me: how do you reason that, fw?
ix: He didn't wear a shirt, but that was the style
fw: For 1: he's wearing an almost harem style outfit. 2: He had every guard staring at his ass every time he went out to get food. 3: He's a smooth talker to men, 4: he used Jasmin to get at Jufaar.
ix: Having a high charisma is gay? pft
fw: That was high charisma?
fw: The man broke into a song and dance while said guards were chasing him!
ix: Well, not "dance" exactly
fw: He was dancing.
me: but if the guards are staring at his posterior, wouldn't that mean the guards are gay?
ix: He's a pretty man but he flirts with the right crowd to keep his masculinity
fw: His high charisma may have deluded their senses while he ran around in silk pants.
me: i dunno, that sounds suspiciously close to 'she had it coming because she was dressed provocatively'... i say put the blame where it belongs
fw: I think the Beast was probably the only secure in his sexuality.
fw: Secure disney male*
me: but he was a hermit...
fw: He was openly furry too.
fw: What screams 'secure' more than that?
me: how is it open if you're isolated from society?
fw: Not his fault everyone fursecuted him.
fw: *cackles gleefully*
ix: He wasn't isolated by choice
fw: Furries rarely are.
ix: He was driven into isolation
fw: Furries often are.
me: ehehe.
me: wait, then wouldn't his acquiesing to forced isolating contradict his sense of security?
fw: If you knew you were going to get jabbed with torches wearing your furry suit, would you walk outside in it?
me: dang, freaking furries with some intelligence or form of self-preservation.

~* 2:12 p.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* brilliant ~*~ Tuesday, December 18, 2007 *~

from my accounting book: "Because of this [disagreement], the accounting for pensions is not perfectly logical, totally complete, or conceptually sound." ... so why am i going to be tested on this?


~* 01:58 a.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* just a little unwell ~*~ Sunday, December 16, 2007 *~

the 6-1 sleep schedule wouldn't bother me as much if my final on tuesday wasn't at 8 in the morning... think i'll have to ask for a wake-up call from family again. =/

the worst of it is i just sit here in a daze looking blankly straight ahead, and then i realize what i'm (not) doing and i try to shake it off.

and then i started thinking about the unwanted thoughts i used to have while in hong kong. -_-8

~* 02:45 p.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* thinking much too much ~*~ Sunday, December 16, 2007 *~

i turn my pillow over to the other side repeatedly, but to no avail.

~* 06:18 a.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* silver lining ~*~ Saturday, December 15, 2007 *~

at least i've already adjusted to hong kong time.

~* 06:12 a.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* off-schedule ~*~ Friday, December 14, 2007 *~

slunk to campus after a 2.5 hour nap (had janet call me to make sure i wake up -- she's been using me as an alarm a few times already after all...!) and turned in the darn paper... slunk back to the apt and slept til 4pm. i know i should have start reviewing (learning) accounting for tuesday's final, but it'll just have to be done fri-mon instead. too brain dead today, heh.


i think my throat was insisting to me earlier today that i'm in danger of getting sick for the winter (yet again). meh. i'm pretty sure my (lack-of-)sleeping habits aren't helping.


"baby, you're adorable
handle me with care"

~* 02:16 a.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* *collapse* ~*~ Thursday, December 13, 2007 *~

just finished my paper. going to take 2 hour nap. then going to campus to turn in paper. i hope i wake up.

~* 08:06 a.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* off ~*~ Tuesday, December 11, 2007 *~

there was a moment earlier this afternoon, whilst i was sitting at my desk, that it was eerily quiet outside my window. the sky was a lovely light orange (thank you, air pollution?) streaming in the window on my right. no sounds of traffic, no sirens... i'm not sure why i became so distinctly aware of those 5-10 seconds. then a low hum/buzz ensued from some unknown machine or vehicle and the reverie was broken. i felt relieved and very slightly less alone, for some reason.


4.5 years. well, since yesterday anyway.


feeling achy is no fun at all.

~* 09:09 p.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* moving along ~*~ Monday, December 10, 2007 *~

yesterday was one of those days spent sitting in bed under a blanket with pandas nearby, doing nothing productive. it was quite nice. today should have been one of those days too, not because of a prolonged lazy weekend mood, but more because of physical discomfort. =/ though i didn't have the luxury of it so much today, as there was work to be done.


i had this weird dream a couple nights ago whereupon my hair was dyed in a strange arrangement of multi-colored hues. it's a slight improvement over dishwashing/fridge-cleaning dreams, at least, seeing as i've never actually dyed my hair, but i've done a fair number of dishes in my lifetime. ^^8 i'd try to describe the hair, but i figured a rough 5-minute sketch might be a better explanation:

weird dream hair

it looked much better in the dream, or at least i dreamed that it looked better. not that i'll be sporting any of these colors anytime soon. i'm just not that flashy, and to some extent, the rainbow-y colors reminds me of a clown wig =/ i did ponder a few times getting indigo highlights, but those would only really be visible under certain light conditions.


i've missed my wacom. it's so darn handy.


while crossing expo to get to ps1 the other day after classes, some loser was leering at me from his vehicle (i didn't look so i dunno what he was driving), while i pretended not to hear and continued crossing the street, only to hear "i know you can hear me!" ... so what? i'm not sure how he was expecting me to react -- was i supposed to smile, thank him, and jump into his vehicle? sheesh. not even worth the bother of acknowledging his existence to him in any way.


"'cause nothin' lasts forever
even cold November rain"

~* 09:29 p.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* winding down ~*~ Saturday, December 8, 2007 *~

got home last night @ 230 to find the door unlocked and everyone else already back from their spice girls concert and gone to bed for the night. keeping the door locked is another one of my minor paranoias; i don't really care if the building is "locked" because right now the elevator, which normally requires a key to call from the ground floor, does not require the key because the keyhole is stuck in the "call" position.

anyway. came back and was reeking of all different kinds of smoke =/ cigarettes, cloves, and pot, at the very least. i wasn't too thrilled about that, but...! c's birthday celebration, although a small gathering in numbers, was actually fairly neat. i had my apprehensions about the area (lincoln heights) and i know i wouldn't have ever gone on my own (so glad t was going with me) but it was definitely a new experience. and i'm okay with new experiences that don't violate certain reservations that i've set (e.g. nothing illegal, no needles poking into me). the club had 3 stage areas on different levels with live performers, and apparently every friday night they have underground rappers on each stage. towards the end of the night they have a freestyle rap battle on the largest stage for a cash prize. i haven't really been into rap (mainstream or otherwise) since jr high, heh, but it's still fairly impressive how they can come up with rhymes on the spot. not as impressive when they use the same tired insults but sometimes there was a gem when they make a clever cultural reference in their rhymes *and* they had good flow.

and while on the subject of things musical, yay slash & the electric guitar. also, some of the 'punk goes pop' and 'punk goes 80s' songs are amusing.

~* 04:07 p.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* fantastic ~*~ Thursday, December 6, 2007 *~

during pdl (professional development for leaders) class last year, we had to provide a simulated performance review for a team member each semester. anyway, one of the techniques we learned was to structure our comments in a positive/constructively-negative/positive format. so now i'm going to try to apply that to my day today. (who says i'm not learning anything useful in school, hmm? =b)

my final today was merciful in that it was only 4 problems, and that i understood how to do the problems, conceptually, and even managed to set most of them up properly (to the best of my knowledge). unfortunately, the actual execution of the simulations was somewhat problematic, and i was unable to arrive at a satisfactory result for a couple of the problems. fortunately, i had a strong midterm grade and i am very likely to get a decent amount of partial credit for what i could finish.

i managed to stay awake in all of my classes, and none of them really required me to concentrate with any great amount of effort, which i'm grateful for because i was not able to fall asleep until closer to 5am, not so much because of insomnia but what i'll euphemistically call "external noise issues." some generic review in global strat and received the final case analysis due next thurs, covered accounting for mergers (woohoo, exciting as usual), watched fairly boring presentations in consumer behavior (i really can't be more positive in describing that, heh), then had a 1.5 hour break before the final. i reviewed one last time and had what the cafe calls "Illini Corn Chowder." for all i know it's just corn chowder, because i wasn't aware that there are variations. it was pretty good but slightly on the salty side. i reviewed for 1 hour and sat on a windowsill on the second floor for nearly 30 min staring out at exposition and all the annoying construction they're doing there. no one approached me and i'm glad because i'm not sure i wanted them to see the expressions on my face.

i felt tired/drained after the final and was going to go straight home (without stopping by the weekly mixer to feign being sociable) to plant myself face down on the bed next to mr panda but was instead convinced to go to a holiday dinner at a chinese restaurant by a friend who is also president of the club that was organizing the dinner. the food was good/familiar and i chatted with one of my 1st semester core teammates (my favorite/best team experience overall at b-school), t, about another of our teammates, c, whose birthday is tomorrow... we're planning to carpool to c's birthday celebration tomorrow night after t takes his gf to the airport. t was telling me how c seemed very frustrated last year about how fake various b-school people are (he was even told by a then-2nd-yr that if he couldn't stand it, maybe he should consider dropping out...!), and i couldn't agree more. it's a relief to learn that i'm not the only one who thinks so.

because i had gotten a ride with the club president to the restaurant, i couldn't leave on my own, and since he wanted to go karaoke'ing after the dinner and i really didn't, i managed to get a ride back to the school parking structure with another classmate. as luck would have it, after he drove off and i got into my car i found the battery was dead for reasons unknown (i hadn't left the lights on and in any case even if i had, the lights automatically switch off once i open the door while there is no key in the ignition). i live less than a mile from the parking structure but 1. there is no way i would ever walk around campus, day or night, by myself, and 2. it's raining. i called jo who called koj who came to my rescue & jump-started the battery.

i have a 3-page, 1.5-spaced paper due in negotiations tomorrow that i haven't started on but am not too worried about getting done. class starts at 11 so i can stay up late and wake up with sufficient sleep, heh.

the best thing of the whole day was hearing from someone very dear to me whom i haven't heard from in a while. dido's "thank you" comes to mind.


and now that i skim back up at what i've written my day doesn't sound as bad as i felt it was.

~* 11:13 p.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* 'it's 3am i must be lonely' ~*~ Thursday, December 6, 2007 *~

(or just insomniatic as usual)

i had a dream a few nights ago that i was cleaning out the fridge and found something moldy in it. and then i was washing a sinkful of dishes. seriously? how much more mundane can my subconscious be?

i'm probably awake right now still because i took that nap from 4-6pm. meh. may as well be as lifeless as i feel when i have my last full day of classes tomorrow~

the panda photo on my calendar for december is *especially* adorable. that's 2 years in a row i've had a panda calendar (not that long, i realize). yay pandas.

wireless keyboards & mice are really not for me. i really dislike that flashing low battery indicator in the corner of the desktop monitor when i'm well aware that the battery is not that low, since i've been typing and point-clicking away just fine for well over a month now. and, it's not enough of a hassle to justify getting a normal keyboard/mouse... this desktop came with this, apparently. i dunno. hand-me-down from someone else in the family or something. figured my laptop needs a break when i'm not in class or at my desk.

blech, class in 6.5 hours and i can't sleep.

~* 03:00 a.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* the end is near ~*~ Wednesday, December 5, 2007 *~

yesterday the predominant thought in my mind was, "it's only tuesday?" it felt as though the day couldn't end soon enough. it was rather difficult to muster up any motivation to do anything productive, and it's questionable if i ended up getting anything done. or done right, at least. there was a peer evaluation rating email that i had to send to one of my profs. to grade each group member's contribution to the final case analysis, and i sent in my ratings, only to randomly realize, 7 hours later at 1 in the morning, that i had reversed my ratings entirely. the professor's system had 1 being the best, 5 being the worst, and i had rated thinking about the professor rating forms we have been filling out recently, where 5 is the best and 1 is the worst. so i sheepishly wrote a second email to the prof apologizing for my stupid mistake and corrected my ratings. *sigh*


sorta can't wait to go back to hk... haven't been since i studied abroad in winter '03. on the other hand i'm sure i'll get annoyed once i'm over there because people over there will see me as obese, or something, because i'm never going to be like a stick, nor would i want to be.


one final tomorrow...! spreadsheets... am somewhat ready for it and will study/practice some more as the day continues.

~* 02:39 p.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* week 2 starts ~*~ Monday, December 3, 2007 *~

have been super, super busy since, um, 3:30pm sunday. i think i woke up around noon and spent the first 3.5 hours with various chores (i am very, very particular about the cleanliness of dishes... even if i wasn't the one using them -_-8) and mentally preparing myself for a long day.

  • consumer behavior group project report section writeup + accompanying ppt slides
  • global strategy group case analysis outlining and drafting (this took up most of my time)
  • (grocery shopping break to get some dinner -- grilled some pre-marinated chicken to go with some salad -- and other foodstuffs for the weeks to come)
  • continuation of global strategy stuff
  • (at 4:30am) start putting together a spreadsheet for a new project for werk, which i hope to finish before i leave town

so i'm done now, and i'm... not sleepy at all. grr. maybe it's tea and/or adrenaline but i feel like doing something else besides sleep (maybe read?). and i'm already considering plans for a day out (errands and such) if/when i wake up, assuming i can go to sleep.


canned mandarin orange slices = yum.

~* 05:28 a.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* a day off? ~*~ Saturday, December 1, 2007 *~

spent most of yesterday not really recovered from thursday, and therefore felt rather zombie-like. not so much during negotiations, but definitely afterwards during a 3-hour group meeting for consumer behavior, which probably could've been shorter if there had been less meandering off-topic and multi-tasking for other classes. i felt really disengaged for the most part.


came home thursday night after dinner w/ a couple friends to find koj cleaning the kitchen. he said he was *that* bored. rather nice of him, considering he's not the one who makes most of the mess.

yesterday afternoon i found an opened jar of pasta sauce in the cupboard. it was half-full, and had a delightful growth of grey mold on it. turns out it belonged to jo, but it wasn't her who put it there, because she said she hadn't even used it yet. and it wasn't koj, who is appalled by the concept of pre-made sauce (he makes it from scratch -- i'm easily impressed). and i'd like to think i have more sense than to stick perishable items in a cupboard. so i dunno which of the other two did it, but jo was only mildly annoyed at the news, while koj found it hilarious, and i'm just shaking my head. this is not the first time i've found a perishable item in the cupboard. i don't think it will be the last time either.


normally i would be asleep at this time saturday morning but i kinda got convinced to go to the last b-school tailgate brunch thing today... usually i volunteer for an hour to get in free, but i hadn't planned on going this time because it's a morning tailgate (yay drunk people before noon) and i like sleeping in. my classmate partially convinced me with a free pass in since i'd have to pay $15-20 otherwise. and i figure i could use a bit of mindless socializing.

it's the "big game!" but to be perfectly honest i care a lot more about the one happening in norcal (go bears~) than the one at the coliseum. and considering i have very little interest in football in the first place (yes, even after going here to 'sc), that says it all. the only thing that's changed from pre-'sc is that i understand some of the rules of the game better. i went to 3 (or maybe 4) games last year including the "big game" at the rose bowl and i figure that's more than enough for a non-enthusiast.


my junior high school history teacher, mr. lee (he was like a sardonic grizzly bear, hehe), taught me that the three most important words in the world are "location, location, location." those words have haunted me since 2000 in their utter accuracy.

~* 09:51 a.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* so ti-red ~*~ Thursday, November 29, 2007 *~

Today was the second of probably-will-be-a-few instances of napping in the backseat during the break between classes... I went to bed at 2 but couldn't fall asleep until closer to 3 mostly thanks to noisy people in the living room laughing raucously at something on TV and my unwillingness to rouse myself out of bed just to tell them to quiet down without sounding irritated =b the joys of practically living with 4 other people (that's 2 apartmentmates plus their respective significant others) ah well, just gotta deal with it til mid-may, and I suppose it could be a lot worse (yay rationalizing)

I meant to get up between 5-545am so I could study a bit for accounting but I ended up getting up at 640 instead. Which gave me until 8 to review, then get to school by 830 to have a group meeting with a professor before the first class at 930. It has been a long day.

~* 04:58 p.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* urg ~*~ Wednesday, November 28, 2007 *~

the fortnight of misery continues...

woke up this morning to see an email from my marketing prof talking about the agenda for tomorrow's class, which includes a quiz... that i had completely forgotten about. -_-8 well, not that the class stresses me out much, but that's another hour or so i need tonight to review the readings/notes on top of really really needing to study for an accounting quiz i *did* know about (and am fully expecting to #$^@ up as usual, yay).

just spent the past 4.5 hours at the nearby coffee bean & tea leaf across the street from the b-school working on spreadsheets hw w/ a teammate... 3.5 hours to work through 2 problems (and explaining some things to her) and the last hour to puzzle through the 3rd problem on my own... but at least it's done. and i don't care how nerdy it is, i like this class. i get it for the most part, which is a nice little confidence boost in the general b-school environment where i feel as though everyone else's experiences greatly dwarfs my own.

got a career coach meeting in 30 min... still find it mildly amusing that i can "coach" first years in the internship search process when mine was so agonizing only to work out (by serendipity or otherwise) in the end, heh. you can't coach luck, or whatever.

writing this is my brief respite and sanity check before i dive back into everything... and i may have to do this on a daily basis. i'm pretty sure something's gonna give before/by the time it's all through, and while i'm worried that it might end up being me, i'm fighting it as best i can.

~* 04:27 p.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* childhood influences ~*~ Tuesday, November 27, 2007 *~

feeling much better today (i guess getting a lot more sleep than usual helped, ha), but still tired. during my 2-330pm break i just went to my car and took a nap in the backseat =b i woke up to a resurfaced random childhood memory of a folktale i read where a king posed a bunch of riddles to two women whose sons were vying for the hand of his daughter. one woman was rich, while the other poor. a couple of the challenges that the king posed to these women was to name softest thing in the world and the sweetest thing in the world. the rich woman's answers were all shallow, material answers (the softest thing being some expensive down blanket owned by a relative of hers while the sweetest thing was someone else's newborn baby), while the poor woman's answers were 'deeper' and somewhat abstract (the softest thing being one's own hands, for they could be used as a pillow when one is tired, and the sweetest thing was sleep).

recalling this story fragment got me to thinking (as i walked to my last class of the day) how much fairy tales and folktales and mythology shaped my childhood. my sisters and i participated in summer reading programs for several years (and at more than one library =b) and i remember how much i enjoyed checking out book after book of fairy tales by andersen and the brothers grimm (no disney endings for me, thanks), along with tomes with abridged versions of greek/roman myths, and other ethnic folklore. i even recall reading very abridged paraphrased versions of the odyssey and the iliad, long before i had to read the real things in high school =&

long story short, fairy tales = huge role in defining my childhood. "short story long? anything by dickens." hehe.

~* 07:44 p.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* a thoroughly unenjoyable monday ~*~ Monday, November 26, 2007 *~

in which i was bedridden for most of the day. -_-8 every time i tried to sit up i'd have another dizzy spell, and so all i could do was try to rest while my head and body ached in general. dunno what was wrong exactly (sleep, diet, ?) but my day was pretty much shot. things finally improved a bit after two tylenol (on jo's recommendation) and a short nap once i stopped aching =&

what a way to start what will be a fairly busy and stressful fortnight.

on a bit of upside, the dress hunt ended last friday. it is a darker red and strapless and not quite what i originally had in mind but it works. it cost a *little* more than i would have liked but not enough to be a dealbreaker.

my hair's about as long as it was during the summer of '03. *sigh* it's about time for the biannual trim.

~* 10:56 p.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* i continue my fight against the darkness... ~*~ Wednesday, November 21, 2007 *~

sometimes i wonder if it's healthy to have such morbid thoughts while i drive on the freeway. maybe it helps me stay focused on driving. i don't know why i have such vivid imaginings in my mind about how it would feel like to be in a serious car accident - the crunch of the metal, the shattering of glass, the impact. like being bumped by a car while on foot wasn't bad enough, i have to imagine *worse*... sheesh. this is also why i hate and cannot watch horror movies -- i really think i do a stellar job of scaring myself enough as it is.

i'm also quite amazed at how easy it is to go over 90 on the 71 and still feel as though i'm moving at a manageable speed. very, very bad. speeding does not make me feel any more alive, so i'm not really sure why i do it.


more self-indulgent activities as i face the onslaught of grey...

re-reading pride and prejudice online 'til 7am in the morning (on a weekend, at least). i never could stand to read authors like austen and charlotte/emily brontë until a few years ago, and then i found that i really did not like the brontës (ugh to both jane eyre and wuthering heights). emma was tolerable but pride and prejudice is actually rather very funny. the 'second chance at love' theme is a bit touching as well.

watching kt tunstall for hours on youtube - in particular, videos of her 'live' performances (so, not music videos). she sounds just as amazing live as she does on record, and i really, really, really love what she does with her loop pedal (hehe, she calls it her 'wee bastard') when she's performing solo. this performance is a great example of what i mean by her use of the loop pedal. and this performance is what launched her career. i know her style of music isn't really "popular" but i adore her voice. i'm also biased towards altos, being one myself. 0=)


arg final (projects) coming up soon... =& dec. 4 group case write-up for global strategy, dec. 6 group report/presentation for consumer behavior and final exam for spreadsheet modeling, dec. 7 personal bargaining experience report due for negotiations, dec. 18 final exam for accounting and somewhere in there is a take-home final case exam for global strategy and then dec. 21 off to the motherland... ha. wow it's only a month away stillneedtogetadressblargh.

~* 12:24 a.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* CAL BAND ROCKS ~*~ Thursday, November 15, 2007 *~

they rock so much they deserve an entry of their own. this is why.

~* 11:21 p.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* miniature disasters and minor catastrophes... ~*~ Thursday, November 15, 2007 *~

... namely in the form of termites. in the living room. urg. the only upside is that i wasn't the one who made the pleasant discovery. just thinking about it makes my skin crawl. and of course because we live in a building managed by cheapskate chinese people they're only going to fumigate our apt, and most likely only in the living room. but at least i won't be around for the weekend. =b


dress shopping is a real pain, and i've got only ~1 month til i'm in hk for winter break for the first wedding i'll ever attend in my life... and i have to 'look nice' as part of the family or something. i must've tried on over a dozen this past weekend -_-8 found one that was lovely except for the ridiculous price. and i do mean ridiculous. the store price was lower than that link lists, but still... way. too. much. *and* made in china. =&


i nearly overslept this morning... i really should sleep before 4am, heh.


raskolnikov gets another shot. i suspect i'll want to throttle him by book 2 again. =/


those rabbids can really dance~! ^^*

~* 09:12 p.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* little things ~*~ Wednesday, November 7, 2007 *~

With winter inevitably approaching, I've been taking some time to do things I enjoy, even at the expense of things I *should* be getting done with respect to studying.

Over the past two days I re-read 1984 instead of reviewing for an accounting quiz I have on Thurs (I have not been doing well on the quizzes so far and I don't expect much will change at this point). It's a bit odd that I haven't read 1984 since high school despite it being my favorite novel of all time. I've even read Cyrano a few times since high school (including once by flashlight/candlelight when there was no electricity), though that has the distinction of being my favorite play and not a novel.

Upon this second (third? fourth? Not more than a handful, surely, in the entirety of my life) reading I found myself admiring the clarity of Orwell's prose and the power of his story. I used to compare in my mind the dystopia of Oceania and the possible future of China (thinking back to Tiananmen and even further back to Mao & the Cultural Revolution) but in hindsight how exaggerated it seems, with the rules of the world game changing so much, along with events like China in the WTO. Not to say there aren't elements of Oceania in China now but then again such elements exist in the US too (e.g. focusing national hatred onto a single personality - as Oceania did to Goldstein the US does to Osama).

Anyway, just setting everything else aside to read for myself was a very simple little thing that I did. It felt nice after spending over 3 hours pulling online reports and another 5.5 hours designing & building a spreadsheet model projecting online advertising inventory for the upcoming launch of the online version of the Times' The Guide (though I will admit it was enjoyable to work on and finally complete it).

Another little thing recently was just browsing through wiki reading a bit about Irish mythology - the Ulster cycle and Cúchulainn in particular. And I just felt happy about learning something new and not necessarily useful in a practical way.


I know I'm definitely a lot less gung-ho about things this year. I tried a lot of new and different (and even uncomfortable) things last year, and I know through those experiences a little more about myself and what I'm capable of doing. I still try new things now but I know I don't have to try everything blindly.

I think I tried overly hard to establish an identity that wasn't really all me, only parts of it. I learned that I do enjoy getting out there but not 100% of the time - it took some reconciling of my introverted nature with the kind of high I can sometimes get from being out in a lively setting.

I also learned to let go of some things from last year with respect to people. I didn't really fit.


There is this bit of love-hate I have with my inner nerd/geek/whatever it's called. I think I accept it for the most part but it still causes me aggravation at times - or at least, the stereotypes associated with it do. Businesspeople are not supposed to be like me.


A moment of levity: apparently my favorite pair of pants (dark brown cords) are flattering enough to elicit a teasing compliment from a female classmate. =b


"What you say or do doesn't matter; only feelings matter. If they could make me stop loving you -- that would be the real betrayal." (Winston, 1984)

~* 02:19 a.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* *mutter* ~*~ Friday, October 19, 2007 *~

i messed up my sleeping schedule, yet again. not caffeine this time, though... the past couple of days i've been up til past 3 (had a quiz & midterm on thurs -- both *seemed* to go okay -- here's to hoping =b) and i just crashed for a couple hours earlier tonight (from 9ish to 11 or so?), woke up and here i am, listening to finger eleven's "them vs you vs me" ... i really like paralyzer, so i decided to see if i'd like the rest of the album. nothing has really stood out so far (3/4 through the album), but oh well.


the past weekend was fairly eventful, socially. last friday was the core c party @ the "finance frat house" all the way over at redondo beach. for a house with 6 guys living in it, it was fairly clean (though i suspect that's not the normal state for some of the guys). saturday was wine & cheese @ mi-chan's with a mixed crowd of her law school friends, undergrad friends & older friends (including liz & me). sunday was volunteering for cleanup duty @ "pier del sol" (a special olympics event) at santa monica pier, and getting to know a couple of the first years who were also volunteering that shift a little better.

so going back to the first two events, a (non-comprehensive) comparison:

core c party
crowd composition: mostly 2nd year business students, primarily from my core (first year class)
"fuds": bbq - burgers, hot dogs & hot wings
booze: a counter-full of all sorts of liquors and various wines. most notable/notorious was a clay flask shaped like a rucksack, which was full of grain alcohol from china (54% alcohol) that smelled absolutely rancid (and it lingered in the air) and reportedly tasted even worse.
entertainment: beer pong & flip cup games. (oh yes, b-school is *so* classy.) also a baseball game on tv (first game of the playoffs or something?) and for a few people, the hot tub on the roof.
conversation highlights: the good - a dialogue with a classmate who managed to show me he's not always as insensitive as people perceive him; the bad(?)/ugly - observing your typical trash-talking during the drinking games complete with obscene gestures
epiphany of the night: telling people you drank kahlua & milk will keep them from pestering you to drink anything else for the rest of the night.

wine & cheese
crowd composition: a little more than half were law school students, a few williams alums (all of the williams people that i've met so far have been incredibly nice, friendly, interesting people -- okay, so maybe 5 is a small sample size, but still), a couple high school & elementary friends
"fuds": assorted pies, chocolate-dipped strawberries, cheese (i brought a havarti per mi-chan's suggestion)
booze: over a dozen bottles of wine, most of them re-labeled by the person who brought them (they ranged from tame ones like "bevmo especial" to random like "crappy lincoln" to 'adult' like "boobies"). people could rate each wine on a scale from 1-5 on the new labels. (i mostly drank sparkling cider)
entertainment: mostly conversation, then a game of scattergories towards the end. scattergories with law students = spending more time debating the validity of answers than actually playing the game. rather amusing, really.
conversation highlights: the good - extremely interesting, thoughtful, and knowledge-enhancing conversations with various people i met that evening. the bad(?)/ugly - a discussion of which moment defined "monkey coitus" (yet another 'adult' label for one of the wines)
epiphany of the night: havarti is pretty good.

even though these two events were pretty different, and despite the pros and cons in my comparisons, i enjoyed both, just in different ways.


i've observed that "adult humor" is basically sex jokes. which is really not that grown up considering the sense of junior high deja vu i feel.

~* 04:51 a.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* sick by sunday ~*~ Sunday, October 7, 2007 *~

been traveling quite a bit in the past couple weeks. last weekend it was idyllwild, which was pretty fun, though chilly. also, a cabin full of lactose-intolerant asians + tres leches cake = bad idea. some classic comedy moments playing mafia & some board game called encore. =) the view from the mountains was beautiful, and it was nice to get away for a bit. but i could never live somewhere like that, heh. the elevation is higher than the population! (5300 ft, 3500 people)

just got back yesterday evening from nshmba in houston. i can't really say that i saw much of texas that way, though i wasn't really fond of the humidity + wearing business formal. got some networking in, roomed with a couple of classmates/friends whom i've gotten somewhat closer to this year (moving on from last year!), got lost a couple times because of faulty gps instructions & confusing 1-way roads, and realized how i'd like to focus my career search a bit more. cpgs = midwest, so probably no thanks. i can't really see myself in minnesota.

unfortunately the past week or so i've been running on a very erratic sleep schedule (not enough sleep, not sleeping at normal hours) and consequently i think i caught a cold or something during my most recent trip. i spent most of today sleeping and it has helped a bit. i only went out to have a meeting with a couple of troy/cal folks, and toss around ideas of a group formation. it'll be interesting to see how it pans out. and who will "get involved"


this cat is utterly adorable.


the apartment situation has been... weird/awkward this past week, but at least i have my own room =b it's gotta be a warning sign when someone aspires to live a life similar to those on "the hills." i am so culturally incompatible with those kinds of people, it's not even funny.


drastic fantastic: not as good as eye to the telescope, but still catchy. the beginning tracks are more upbeat/pop-py, while it gets more mellow/folksy (more like her first album) towards the end. favorite tracks: "little favours," "hold on," & "if only."

also, those apple commercials had better make feist more popular. i don't think i could stand watching them if it wasn't for her.

~* 10:20 p.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* arrr, mateys! ~*~ Wednesday, September 19, 2007 *~

hehe, it's Talk Like a Pirate Day again... amusing in that pirates was our core's theme last year, so a short email reminder went around from one of my coremates.


an acquaintance brought this article to my attention... which generated a brief discussion about how the guy argued against the use of seat belts and oh, the situational irony, as the other two in the vehicle, who *were* wearing seat belts, lived. "he died as he lived. stupidly." as my acquaintance put it. another cited a quote from the article ("Erica Rogers, opinion page editor at the Daily Nebraskan, said Derek's brains and intensity would be missed.") and guiltily remarked that the guy's brains wouldn't be that hard to miss, seeing as they were probably spattered on the road... then added "i'm going to hell for that remark." i assured him there was a warm and toasty seat all ready for him down there, along with the rest of us heathens.


i'm feeling better today. had the interview (very brief), and if it happens, then it happens. if not, oh well.

~* 12:57 p.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* stress levels... rising already? ~*~ Tuesday, September 18, 2007 *~

Two quizzes on thurs. Behind on a mountain of reading. Not enough sleep (insomnia). Phone tag with a recruiter (must be nice to leave the office by 2pm =b). Part-time projects for the Times. Volunteering to work a social networking event on the weekend. Corporate presentations and their related prep sessions. Group project meetings. Career coach meetings.

What, me, overextended? I don't mind being busy but I'm not yet seeing how year 2 is supposed to be easier. I might be trying to take on too much, but I feel as though I need to make the most of things while I can. The only thing keeping me sane at this moment is a bowl of corn chowder. ...yeah, that's right.

~* 02:01 p.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* cointoss ~*~ Friday, September 14, 2007 *~

about 3 weeks of classes done... though it barely feels like a week. probably has something to do with the fact that my classes are mostly on 2 days with a lone one on a 3rd day... and yet i find myself going to campus almost daily (yay club & group meetings? =b) i still haven't really gotten organized, which is something i need to do soon if i'm going to be working part-time during the year... and then i got contacted yesterday by a recruiter whom i had spoken to at a job fair last spring (!) who wanted to know if i would be interested in a finance internship during the fall semester... but unpaid/credit only? 24 hours a week? i can barely spare 21 if i devote all of my remaining free time... but then i would also have to *pay* for taking on another unit (of school credit). so paying to work... maybe not so great. that's $1217 for 1 unit if i go through usc (*cry*), or if i can find a community college, significantly less ($20 or so, heh) on the other hand... it's a big, big media company, and i could really use the experience. a classmate who interned there this past summer said it was a good position.

decisions, decisions... how motivated am i/how miserable do i want to make myself this fall? ^^* well, not that i should worry about this yet, since i haven't even officially applied. it's not a sure thing, either, but i won't know if i don't try. in any case, i'm going to be making arrangements next week to figure out how much work i'll be doing for the times. at least that will be a paid position.

~* 01:51 a.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* ugh ~*~ Tuesday, September 11, 2007 *~

this makes me sick... not just because i hate needles and the very idea of them poking at me... but more so because of how... f*cked up (and that isn't even strong enough to convey this) her grandfather was to try to kill her as an infant like that.

~* 12:32 a.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* another list: Chicago ~*~ Monday, August 27, 2007 *~

Things I will miss:

  • Decent mass transit system: Berkeley/SF has one, NY has one, HK has one... and so does Chicago. $2/bus ride isn't too bad when going a long distance... didn't get a chance to go on the subway though. Driving in LA... meh. Mass transit in LA... also meh.
  • Greenery: It's not quite the same tropical green lushness that I see in HK, but it's still more pleasant than the dry brush I'm accustomed to in SoCal. Or palm trees. =b My check-in luggage is green, and at the baggage claim carousel back at LAX, I didn't recognize it when it came around the first time because it looked too vibrant of a green... I could've sworn that it was a duller green in IL.
  • Architecture: Not just because it's more ornate/detailed, but the colors just seem bolder. Maybe it's all that brick and steel. Or the lack of sun keeping it from looking faded/washed out as it does in LA.
  • Non-Hollywood/entertainment-centric culture: watching the local news, I'm not inundated with headlines about the latest exploits of the local celebutantes monied trailer trash.

Things I will not miss:

  • Weather: It's more temperamental than I am. =&
  • Limited food options: Deep dish pizza was pretty good (blasphemous as this may be, but I've had good Chicago-style deep dish pizza before @ Zachary's in Berkeley), though I'm wary of Mexican food so far from the border and sushi on the central coast.
  • Lack of recycling convenience: At least pretend to make me feel as though I'm doing something good for the environment...!
  • Revolving doors: Those things will be the death of me.

(Edit: Another thing I will not miss: multiple sales taxes/9% sales tax in Chicago... !!!)

~* 01:36 a.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* fts ~*~ Thursday, August 23, 2007 *~

And that's all I'm gonna say about it.

~* 10:00 p.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* flashback/looking forward ~*~ Wednesday, August 22, 2007 *~

last thursday at the c4c mixer with the first years, this one girl suddenly greeted me and said that i looked really familiar to her, but i highly doubt that i've ever met her. turns out she went to cal during a couple of the years i was there, and she thought she recognized me from a cs class (also not too likely, since i took those classes in 00-01, and she wasn't there til 02)... still, we chatted for a good while, and for some reason she thought i was a really ambitious first year student (while i was telling her about my internship)... when *that* little confusion was cleared, i learned that she's also interested in company finance. coincidentally enough i spoke with a couple other first years who also had an interest in company finance... i say 'coincidentally' even though i don't know what % of the incoming class is interested in company finance... for my year our vertical only had ~20 company finance & operations students out of 217. so if the incoming class' career interest ratios are about the same, i've already spoken to about 25% of the company finance people. ^^* which i hope will make things easier when i start being a career coach this semester (what i lack in actual career experience duration-wise, i hope i can make up for in terms of internship search experience -- a very harrowing experience that stressed me out to no end last semester =b)

~* 10:32 p.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* traveling ~*~ Sunday, August 19, 2007 *~

Tuesday morning afternoon in Chicago. I think I didn't sleep til after 3, local time. Sleeping on the ground I feel kinda sore, but it's only a week I suppose. I'm glad it has only been windy/rainy so far and not hot/humid. I'm reminded yet again what a complete pack rat/slob my sister is. I bet if I threw away some of the junk she has around she would never miss it or realize it was gone ;)

~* 01:03 p.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* @ ~*~ Thursday, August 16, 2007 *~

"love him"?

~* 02:51 p.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* ffs... ~*~ Thursday, August 16, 2007 *~

i'm so annoyed i can't sleep.

~* 03:00 a.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* hmpf ~*~ Wednesday, August 15, 2007 *~

iPhone bill (over)kill: good one, AT&T. =b


Only a couple days left of the internship. But if time permits I may work part-time during the school year, since my work is project-based anyway.


Went to a couple of orientation events for the incoming class over the past couple days. Last night, though, I saw quite a few of my classmates as well. It was for the most part good to see these people again, probably with one exception. But I'm going to do my best not to let it get to me. I spent too much of last semester wondering wtf I might have done to make this person (among others) suddenly treat me like persona non grata, but I was making it more important to me than it really is/should be, and that was dumb. I don't need this bs. I'll give them my best "Thai smile," yim tak tai type.

~* 11:28 a.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* meh, part 2 ~*~ Tuesday, August 14, 2007 *~

I wrote out a long rant but decided against posting it.

That is all.

~* 12:45 p.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* vindicated? ~*~ Friday, August 10, 2007 *~

As though to prove my belief that Time Warner Cable is full of incompetents, I read about their TV ad campaign which urges you to sign up for their service so you can "share your individuality with people just like you."

Since I haven't actually seen the ad spot (unable to youtube it either) I don't know if they were trying to be cheeky with their potential customer base or if their marketing people are in dire need of a sledgehammer to the head.

~* 02:34 p.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* mixin' it up ~*~ Wednesday, August 8, 2007 *~

Even though I've only got a little over a week left at werk, I've been trying to find the most efficient route back to the apt in the evenings. Yesterday I tried going through frat row, where I ended up following that brilliant specimen, your typical frat boy stereotype, cap backwards, on a skateboard being towed (at the breakneck speed of 10mph ;)) along down the street by a cord attached to the roof rack of an SUV. At the end of the street the vehicle pulled into the driveway of one of the frat houses, and the skater's little joyride was over. =b


A part of me is considering (again) trying to learn some css and dabbling in designing a personal website. This assumes I'll have time to undertake such a project when classes start so soon... -_-8


And how sad is it that I am somewhat excited about building a financial spreadsheet model for werk? It's likely to be one of my last major projects, too.


Thank you lb, aka tech support ;) As usual, the solution was something ridiculously simple. *clueless*


Talk about a punishment that really isn't. One of my cousins has had his PSP "sent to jail" (i.e. left in his father's custody in HK so he can't play it) until his piano playing (which he never liked to begin with) improves. However, he still has his DS (and a computer). Oh noes, he doesn't have as many options now, what a cruel and unusual punishment! =b


I was having lunch with a classmate (she's also werking at the Times this summer but in a different dept) who is also a mother of a toddler, and she was asking me what I thought about making kids learn activities they don't like, but eventually get used to and realize the value of later on in life (e.g. piano lessons fostering discipline and a way to relax, express themselves artistically and enjoy music). I couldn't exactly draw on my own experience (I had wanted to play the piano as a kid and had told my parents so) but I wonder as well. She told me about the daughter of a family friend who had wanted to learn piano, but hated practicing and would invariably cry when made to sit down at the piano, and asked if such a child should be made to continue playing. Would it be possible to teach her the importance of putting effort into something she had claimed to want, or was piano really not her thing, and a different activity would be better for her? I suppose the parents didn't want to raise a quitter, but at the same time, it's not a good idea to try to shove a square peg into a round hole, as the saying goes.

Like with my cousin and the piano. Granted, all he wants to do is play video games, so I wonder if there is really any activity that would teach him actual discipline (though it would be completely negated by his overly indulgent mother anyway). I wonder what happened to his martial arts classes...

~* 01:51 p.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* on hypocrisy ~*~ Monday, August 6, 2007 *~

I've been thinking about how useless it is to say "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone." People like to toss that phrase around to remind other people not to pass judgment on a variety of matters... but really, who in this world can honestly claim to be "without sin"?

I don't think it's possible not to be hypocritical from time to time. I can recognize it in myself, though sometimes in hindsight =b But being a hypocrite on occasion doesn't stop me from being irritated at other people being hypocrites, and I wonder if that's so wrong. Or that it just makes me a hypocrite but doubly so.

Besides, I believe it takes one to know one.


So Time Warner Cable continues its idiocy as I just received a call from a rep saying they're at my apt now (12:10PM) when over the past few days they've confirmed with/reminded me that they would be showing up to install internet/cable "between the hours of 1 and 4 PM." Because they need a warm body present at the apt to oversee the installation, and because both roomies are out of town, and also because I do not wish to take a half day at work just to sit around my apt all afternoon (Why not? Partly because I have a project meeting to attend at werk =&) I've already had to inconvenience the parents to wait at the apt, but only during the designated time window! All I have to say now is, they'd better have fewer service interruptions compared to ATT (which I had last year).

~* 12:01 p.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* movin' it ~*~ Sunday, August 5, 2007 *~

The past few days have been somewhat hectic and stressful thanks to all that's involved with moving. Aside from a really strong paint smell, the apt is okay. I just had a really bad first day after werk, from the dummies at Time Warner Cable losing the order for cable/internet I had placed a couple weeks ago to a stray nail and my inability to parallel park (-_-*) leading to a flat tire (but at least all the tires needed to be changed very soon anyway =b)

The weekend was spent assembling furniture (the Ikea way). I assembled Jo's dresser, so she'll know who to blame if it falls apart 0=) Even though I had taken wood shop in junior high, I'm not very good with a hammer. Then again, we mostly used big machines like band saws and drill presses. It's a wonder that a klutz like me made it out of that course unscathed. ^^*


I'm both looking forward to and dreading going back to school. The most recent semester was pretty bad and I was in a deep funk after spring break for various reasons. But on the other hand I'm really looking forward to some of my classes...


I've been so annoyed at myself lately because I'm so horribly absent-minded. -_-8 Above and beyond the usual jamming an arm against a door frame (today) or leaving my phone at home (yesterday)... things like not remembering where I set something down a moment ago, leaving my keys in the keyhole that activates the apt elevator, and constantly having to double check if I've locked my car. The sad thing is that I'm only this bad with my personal life, but I'm so much more careful when I'm werking, even when I've got a bunch of assignments to juggle. I need to figure out how I do that. =b


I used my car horn last Friday, the very first time ever since I've gotten my license =& Someone was about to swerve into my lane just after crossing an intersection downtown. Bleh.

~* 06:34 p.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* 1 more day! ~*~ Tuesday, July 31, 2007 *~

I *so* should not have had the HK-style milk tea and coffee drink (aka "yin-yang") at dinner last night... I had no idea it would be that strong =& As a result I was still restless at 3am and I feel a sense of general fatigue today staved off only by (yup) more caffeine.

Still, I gotta thank Koj for the recommendations on places to eat around Alhambra; it saved me the trouble of having to experiment in the hit-or-miss fashion of my first week (which wasn't too bad, fortunately)


A follow-up on my previous post's ramble about online advertising--today I read an interesting article about dynamic ads in video games, intriguing various geeky aspects within me =D


KT Tunstall

One of my most favorite female singers ever, KT Tunstall. A quarter-Chinese, half-Irish, quarter-I-dunno-what-else-but-it-doesn't-really-matter, adopted Scottish singer/songwriter, she has a very earthy, genuine voice (her bio on her official site says she learned to sing from listening to Ella Fitzgerald ^^*). I am very much looking forward to her new album, Drastic Fantastic, coming out mid-September =)


Will definitely need to crash for a bit when I get back to the hotel this evening =/

~* 06:03 p.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* Werk & other musings ~*~ Monday, July 30, 2007 *~

Only a couple more days of hotel living, which is good in that I won't have to wake up as early and drive as far in the morning *lazies* Not that it was a bad thing to stay at a place with A/C (which my old apt did not have), be in a safer area than around campus, or have so many decent places nearby to dine out (though it's not that interesting to eat out alone every night -- I don't mind it every so often =b). I actually had one of the best bowls of pho since my trip to Hanoi ^^*


Werk is still pretty good, though I briefly (very briefly!) had a momentary lapse of memory and thought sentimentally of classes. I do love learning, but not so much the system for "learning" at schools usually. Lectures aren't that useful for me to listen to because I remember better what I read (so I like it a bit better when profs have notes on an overhead or something), and yet a portion of my grade is dependent on "participation" meaning attendance and trying to think of something brilliant and insightful to say before someone else says it -_-8


Constantly being exposed to and preoccupied with online media (and ways to monetize it), I've come to look at online ads in a different light (but I will always hate invasive ads like pop-ups, pop-unders, and interstitials that won't go away unless you watch the whole darn thing =b). Some of the more creative ways I've seen to advertise something include ilovebees (which predated my awareness of the wide world of online ads), criss angel's (bleah) site to promote his mindfreak show by letting you pull a "mindfreak" on a friend(?), jo's plumbing (advertising kohler toilets by having an attractive female plumber flush various objects =b)... and then there was something I read about using twitter to promote a TV show by creating an account for one of the show's characters. Though I find twitter itself a bit inane, conceptually, it's proof that there are unlimited ways to let yourself be stalked online =& (no thanks, pitas is more than public enough for me -- at least you can privatize to an extent on social networking sites)


absolutely hilarious . I don't hate apple -- gotta commend them for their innovation/marketing to cultivate a small but rabidly loyal user base, but I do have nothing but amused disdain for the part of their user base who seem to think that they are somehow better based on the usage of a product/brand (see also: Linux users, video game console fanbois/grrls). Heaven forbid you ever say something remotely negative, or you'll be branded a hater and attacked mercilessly with a one-sided stream of facts(?). Seriously, are we still in high school?

I'm not claiming to be a better person just because I *don't* assert the superiority of a brand anymore (not since high school =b). "De gustibus non est disputandum"

~* 08:37 p.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* fear factors ~*~ Saturday, July 28, 2007 *~

I was randomly wondering last night about the folly of parents trying to scare their young kids into good behaviour by threatening them with "a policeman will take you away if you don't behave", thus possibly making the kids afraid of going to a cop for help if lost, for instance.

But if not a cop, what makes a suitable substitute? The bogeyman? The monster under the bed? Aren't there enough real things in the world for a kid to be afraid of without making up more? (my parents have used "coyotes" before, but that's a bit region-specific, however real or imagined that threat was)

Then again, it's probably easier to use an easily identified object to fear (a cop usually has a uniform and imaginary monsters you can make up all the gory details of their appearances). I mean, how prudent would it be to scare your child with "sex offender"? (Catholic priest? =&)

Maybe it would be better not to use fear as a way to enforce good behaviour. But then that could backfire and they would fear nothing, which seems a bit foolhardy.

Although, as I write this, I realize how silly this all is. Just send in the clowns, as that'll do the trick, right? =b

~* 02:05 p.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* finally friday ~*~ Friday, July 27, 2007 *~

I had a moment of mild concern this morning while I was checking out of the hotel... sitting atop a plastic box full of documents behind the counter was ling. Or rather, a panda who looked nearly identical to ling. I was pretty sure ling was safely stowed in my car, where I had just put my stuff before checking out. Still, I felt much better when I got back to my car and confirmed that my ling was still where I left her. ^^*


lately @ werk I've been listening to yahoo! radio, rating songs as I hear them to make a customized station that plays stuff I (might) like. I've heard some songs that I've come to really like.

Chrisette Michele's "Best of You" is quite mellow in a very soft jazzy way. What really makes the song, though, is her gorgeous, luxuriously velvety voice. Every time I hear the song I feel wrapped up in a very beautiful sound.


Sometimes I get so caught up in listening to the sound of a person's voice that I don't retain what they're saying, and it doesn't help that I have a better visual memory than an aural one when it comes to information.


My phone is so terribly handy. =b


I am long overdue for a night out on the town, so I'm sorta looking forward to "miss thing"'s birthday event tomorrow night. ^^*

~* 11:01 a.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* on a lighter note... ~*~ Tuesday, July 24, 2007 *~

yay more baby pandas!


today has been an extremely busy day at werk. from the moment i got in at 9 until about 430, i was hit with about three different asignments, one with a deadline of 4pm... so i ended up having both breakfast (fresh strawberries, yum, and a croissant) and lunch (cold slice of veggie pizza, not that great, hehe) at my desk. and i wasn't actually at my desk half the time cuz i had to track down people to ask them things -- of course they weren't at their desks either. it was very satisfying to finish everything and pretty interesting to have so much going on -- if things were like that almost every day (minus the cold veggie pizza, because i don't like onions olives or eggplant =b) i would really enjoy it.


some songs where i like the acoustic version as much as or even more the original:

  • everlong - foo fighters
  • cold - crossfade
  • koigokoro - aikawa nanase
  • days go by - dirty vegas
  • drive - incubus
  • lonely no more - rob thomas
  • yellow - coldplay
  • lucky love - ace of base (woo, flashback to jr high =b)

~* 05:17 p.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* (unintelligible noise of aggravation) ~*~ Sunday, July 22, 2007 *~

finished reading the book yesterday afternoon... without spoiling anything, my hunch about snape was right. =b a couple of 'wth, that was extremely random, rowling' moments in there too.


over lunch today i mentioned to my parents a friend's engagement, only because i was asked to be a bridesmaid (1 down, 2 to go, hmm? silly superstitions), which sparked a conversation over the different "level" between the two engaged... not surprisingly my mother expressed slight disapproval over the different educational levels ("it would be better if they had about the same level of education [which also implies income, and also implied the guy should be 'better' than the girl] or else they'll find it too difficult to have anything in common"), but what did surprise me (and was a real 'duh' moment) was my dad expressing a more tolerant view of things ("it doesn't matter nowadays, either way") and the 'duh' part is that my parents have extremely differing levels of education/income and they are 25+ years strong...

for crying out loud we're not living in a caste system. it really irritates me.


today i haven't had much luck with improving my mood beyond 'mildly miffed' ... doing some ironing helped a bit (heh). i'm just frustrated because i can't get my message across to someone who has already made up his mind to be right... and if i really didn't care it wouldn't bother me so much, but it does because i do care. it's like... if i said "i'm sad today, but i want to do something to be less sad" and the response is "no you don't, you're sad because you like being sad and you will never change" and that just irritates me mostly because i hate being told who i am as though i don't know myself.

i wish i would be given a chance, but maybe i don't deserve it, despite sincerity. (too little too late?)

i'm also frustrated because it feels like i will Never Be Good Enough. someone else told me today that i'm too weird, not 'standard' and that's why it's improbable for me.

it's almost enough to make me wonder why i still bother, except that i can be stubborn too... no matter how discouraged i('m made to) feel i refuse to give up hope entirely. and i mean... hope in general, not just about these specific things. there's still that one thing left in my pandora's box =b


my little vacation next month has been confirmed, so i'm kinda looking forward to one more getaway before classes start. it'll also be nice to spend time with (both?) sisters before our trio is separated by a couple of time zones again. then again, i've got a whole year of living with jo to look forward to, hehe.


oh yeah. kumquat didn't make it to the 2-week mark =/ and as for sylvia, i'll never know, but it isn't likely she made it either, because my fishies' temporary caretaker (as i was in the process of moving out of my apt) didn't care about them and tossed them both when kumquat went. *sadface*


jelly is smelly. but he is also so goshdarn cute.

jelly belly!

~* 04:27 p.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* landing ~*~ Saturday, July 21, 2007 *~

@ borders with 00 in line...

~* 12:02 a.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* a bit of vent so i'm not all pent up ~*~ Thursday, July 19, 2007 *~

Limo bus + salespeople + loud music + open bar = party bus. Amusing to observe but of course not on the same level of crazy that I've seen on various occasions with classmates (Grad students gone wild? In b-school of all places =b). And a coworker observed, not unlike one of my classmates on more than one occasion, that I could write a book/case study on the things I've seen as the only sober person at these things. Um, if I had time to write a book I would hope to write something slightly loftier than a tell-all about the drunken antics of other people =b I mean, it's not like what any of them has done is exactly ground-breaking. Then again, people do seem to enjoy reading dirt about people (i.e. celebrities and people they know) so it'd be a way to make some money (yay for pandering to the masses?).


I've been told quite a few times that I'm really quiet. I figure it's probably better that people who don't really know me don't see what a cynical & jaded person I can be. I know it can be interpreted as "mean" which is not the effect I'm going for. Not that I'm always a pessimist but I think my kind of humor (dry, sardonic, mildly acerbic) doesn't always work in the kinds of settings I find myself in in real life. That and it's usually funnier in my head =b


I kinda wish people would realize that just because I'm not bouncing off the walls or doing other crazy things doesn't mean I'm not having fun. So I'm not exactly effusive =/

~* 11:03 a.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* twists and turns ~*~ Tuesday, July 17, 2007 *~

i'm not sure if it would be considered situational irony or irony of fate (cosmic irony?) or something else entirely, but late last week janet found herself in the same situation i was in last year with respect to waitlists & higher education. though her decision was much swifter than mine. now, in a few years, maybe jo will go for the three-peat. =b


in another amusing turn of events, one of the new employees at werk, freshly graduated with a bachelors degree of some sort, mistook me for an undergrad. which, i suppose, is better than the time a student at cal asked me if i was a grad student. =& and it's not like three(?) years is that much of an age difference at this point.


i work on the 5th floor, but my current temporary residence is on the 6th. thanks to absentmindedness, i forget where i am and pushed the wrong button after i got back from work this evening... meh.


another field trip: tomorrow is another department(?)-sponsored outing, this time to the opening day of the racetrack in del mar. um... yay, day out? i haven't been to a racetrack since the one time in hk several years back, when i went with an uncle whose friend owns/sponsors a horse. i don't even (have money to) gamble.


only a few more days til hp7~ michan's been emailing various related news stories... so there's apparently torrents with photographs of each page of the entire book floating out there, but the quality is reportedly (and not surprisingly) low, unless you make some image adjustments in a picture editor. that reeks of so much effort =/ as anxious as i am, i'd much rather wait for the actual book. it's more satisfying to read a book in bed with a snuggly panda nearby. ^^*


been kinda burned out slogging through filler arcs on OP. well, more accurately, the arabasta arc, with each repetitive episode intro/phrasing, made things seem to drag on (i imagine they could've saved at least an entire episode or two if they eliminated that intro from each episode). but i think i'm about to reach the skypiea arc... almost... there... *slumps*


"a web page doesn't exist until a user accesses it." this amusing tidbit was from a training seminar on online advertising at werk. it reminded me of philosophy class and the story about shadows on a wall in a cave... and something about whether or not the world outside exists while we're confined in the classroom. sawaya rocks -- it's not too surprising that he even has a facebook group (ha) created by his legion of student fans. never mind that he only found out about it from his daughter(s) and passed along a message through them that he still prefers snailmail ^^8

still, the most memorable lesson i've ever learned was from my 7th/8th grade history teacher, mr. lee... he was like a grizzly bear with a sardonic sense of humor. his life lesson: "the three most important things are -- location, location, location."

*sigh* don't i know it.

~* 07:56 p.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* food bits ~*~ Thursday, July 12, 2007 *~

i strongly suspect that blueberries may be the most awesome fruit ever. i added some to my cereal the morning i woke up from the 2nd nightmare and it made me feel a lot better.


baklava, or at least the recipe that mehrd('s family) makes, is cloyingly sweet. there's also the weird disconnect between eating something really sweet and smelling something slightly floral.

and i bet lb still hasn't figured out the noun he wanted to use to describe said baklava. >=D

~* 12:02 a.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* *twitch* ~*~ Wednesday, July 11, 2007 *~

A fairly uninteresting, somewhat busy day at werk... Another lunch break & I'm pita'ing on the phone =)


I got to see 00 on Saturday; lb came too & we had lunch then played rayman raving rabbids on lb's wii (aka the sore arm machine) I finally got to see 00's kitty, Monchichi (at least, I think that's how you spell his name), that she received as a bday gift last year, and I took a couple pics:

Monchichi stretches
kitty stretch~

Monchichi looking somewhat regal
kitty tries to look too cool for the camera...

Monchichi finally looks at the camera(phone)
kitty gives in to curiosity about the device I keep pointing at him =)

00 also has one of the niftiest plushies I've ever seen:

1up please!
There's a sound box inserted at the bottom that makes the familiar sound effect if you hit it... and after 10 iterations it makes the 1up noise~ =)


Maybe it's the heat or maybe it's something else entirely -- a couple of the warmer nights last week I woke up in the morning in a cold sweat from rather vivid nightmares... The first one has more or less faded out of memory (it played on my fears about gender inequality and failure because I'm a minority female) while the second one I still remember because it has its origins in an incident that occurred while I was in Thailand a couple months ago. But both times I also woke up with the impression of the name Janet as an unseen tormentor. The answer may seem obvious but it's not my sister nor is it any other Janet I know. I suspect it is supposed to be some other girl I know but her name is completely different.

Anyway in Thailand my friend C & I had just spent the morning visiting the Grand Palace and were taking a cab back to our hotel. The cabbie was this chatty old man who claimed to be charging us a fare based on his meter but it was rigged to display an exorbitant amount at our destination. What had been a 200 baht (US$6.50) fare in the morning ballooned into 2000 baht and he refused to let us off, coasting along past our hotel angrily demanding "Gimme money!" Thankfully C is a much more forceful/fearless person than I am and she adamantly refused, saying she could sit in his cab all afternoon so he couldn't get other passengers. She was cursing him out (not that he understood the words but her tone was clear) and we managed to "bargain" it down to 500 baht, which was still absurd. My nightmare was different in that I was alone, it was nighttime and I was in some big city like NYC.

I didn't really want to sleep for a couple nights after these bad dreams but the weather has been slightly cooler at night and I've managed to have less disturbing sleep more recently.

~* 11:49 a.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* fishies~ ~*~ Sunday, July 8, 2007 *~

Silvia & Kumquat

hurray for my fishies making it to the one-week mark. =)

~* 10:56 p.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* myuuzinguzu ~*~ Thursday, July 5, 2007 *~

Yesterday was a nice day off -- watched a movie & lit some pretty fireworks with lb and mehrd at night. A shame I didn't get to see 00 too, thanks to some stupidly lame significant other reason. Kinda upset me on principle but who am I to judge. Eh. To each his own. Hopefully I'll get to see her sometime in the coming weeks.


Not particularly looking forward to moving twice (moving out this month and in the next). Of course it will be good not living in my current place by myself, but it's just annoying that I've no place to live for the 2nd half of the month since the old lease ends July 15 and the new one begins August 1. In the meantime I've planned to stay at a decent hotel in Monterey Park. A slightly longer commute but much better than the 40+ mile commute from CH. =b Plus parking won't cost extra like it usually will at the places I looked at in LA, it's relatively less expensive for the same quality and the area is safer (very important!).

Anyway it's just a bit weird (and sad?) that you pack up these pieces of your life into boxes, take them elsewhere, and unpack them only to find they aren't quite the same no matter how you place them.

I'm not entirely sure I'm still talking about moving at this point.

~* 2:00 p.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* stuffs ~*~ Tuesday, July 3, 2007 *~

So I park on the rooftop at work, and there's this building they're taking down across the street by tearing it down level by level from the top down. Today I was able to see past it and get an unobstructed view of the Walt Disney Concert Hall, which is a shiny metallic monstrosity of a building that was designed by Frank Gehry, a famous architect who was either under the influence of some powerful mind-influencing drugs or drawing with his eyes closed (or both) when he came up with this building concept.

Or perhaps I'm just an uncultured heathen. It's quite likely =b


Over the weekend I tagged along with Jo and her bf to an O-bon festival in Arleta. It was really fun -- we played some games and won a bit of money (woo, I made a $12 profit) and some goldfish. I named my silver fish Silvia and the two orange ones Mikan (bigger) and Kumquat (smaller). They're probably not for long, though, as Jo told me last night that Mikan was sacrificed to the porcelain god. =/ We also saw taiko drummers and people dancing traditional dances in a large group circle (anyone could join in) around the drummers, who were on a platform so they were still visible to the crowd.


Things to look forward to:

  • Harry Potter book! (but I'll be picking it up by myself this time, with the cousins in HK and Jo playing caretaker for the post-ankle surgery sis on the East coast =/)
  • HP movie
  • HK this Dec and attending a (Chinese) wedding for the first time, ever =b


Heh, the iPhone hype lately. I was reading this one quote by Cher's publicist: "Doesn't winning Oscars, Grammys and Emmys entitle her to move to the front of the line?" which made me laugh in its absurd incredulity. But really, who wouldn't want to be first in line for a device.that does everything? ;)

~* 2:00 p.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* like talking to a wall. ~*~ Monday, June 25, 2007 *~

if it's not one spoiled "celebrity" it's another. i don't follow sports news much but i find it absurd how so many kobe fans still staunchly support him even after he's made it clear he wants out. well, clear as mud, i suppose, since he's been changing his mind back and forth every time he appears on a radio show. "he's just not into you" apparently isn't getting across to his poor fans, who keep making up excuses for his childish tantrums.


there is a rolodex on my desk. blank. i'm amused, because i wonder if my sisters know what it is ;) it just sits there like a relic; no one's bothered to toss it out or do anything with it.


it's somewhat tedious every morning and afternoon as i enter and leave the parking structure. the gate is at the basement level; i park on the roof, and it's basically a big spiral up and down every day -- about 8 levels of it.


a couple weeks ago jooh! moved some of her stuff from her apt to mine... not all that much but the most noticable changes were left in my fridge, namely in the form of beverages. i found:

  • a couple bottles of snapple iced tea (lemon [mostly gone now 0=)] and peach [meh])
  • bottle of sicilia lemon juice concentrate (uh... okay)
  • bottle of mike's hard apple crisp (why bother -- sure, it barely has the alcohol taste, but since it's so weak you won't get a buzz off it may as well drink something nonalcoholic) [that said i still dislike being able to taste alcohol in drinks; i'll have the ginger ale please =b]
  • 750mL bottle of 14.6% alcohol content umeshu (she claims it's for cooking... uh-huh. though it is mostly full.)


new target for hate: "trouble tickets" =&

~* 11:00 p.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* wistful ~*~ Friday, June 22, 2007 *~

one of adrienne's favorite books is the missing piece by shel silverstein. it's a fairly simple allegorical story about an incomplete circle (pac-man-like, even) who goes on a journey to find its missing piece all the while singing about it. and when it runs into a pie-shaped piece, it sings "I've found my missin' piece." to which the pie-shaped piece responds:

"Wait a minute" said the piece
"Before you go greasing your knees
and fleecing your bees..."

"I am not your missing piece.
I am nobody's piece.
I am my own piece.
and even if I was
somebody's missing piece,
I don't think I'd be yours!"

i used to be nobody's piece, my own piece too. and then i was someone's piece, then nobody's piece again, then repeat... anyway. it's really hard to adjust to being nobody's piece once you've been someone's piece, especially when you got used to being "complete". a blank sheet of white paper will never be the same again once it's been marked on. or some chinese saying like that.

maybe someday i'll be found again. the incomplete circle had a happy ending the second time it ran into the missing piece, after all.

"Hi!" It said.
"Hi!" said the piece
"Are you anybody else's missing piece?"
"Not that I know of."
"Well, maybe you want to be your own piece?"
"I can be someone's and still be my own."
"Well, Maybe you don't want to be mine."
"Maybe I do!"
"Maybe we won't fit..."


It fit
It fit perfectly
At last! At last!

one can dream, anyway.

~* 11:47 p.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* more werk-related ~*~ Wednesday, June 20, 2007 *~

nothing online in the company intranet site indicates that there is a map of this place =& the best i could manage was looking at the various plaques with the fire escape routes for a map of the immediate area, but not the entire building(s) as a whole. i was wandering around one hallway when a custodian asked me if i was lost. "no, i'm just exploring."

we went out in a fair-sized group (13 people) yesterday during lunch for someone's birthday (belatedly)... went to this filipino noodle place in chinatown, and had this amazing curry-like adobo. two more people had birthdays today, and there was cake from a chinese bakery. i was assured that "things aren't normally like this" with much amusement. (september must be pretty boring somehow)

at another lunch last week (not for a birthday, but for someone leaving the company) the girl (woman? she wasn't that much older than me and i still think of myself as a girl, heh) sitting across from me unintentionally made me want to pass out talking to someone else about the blood thinners she had to take after her knee surgery. i got that room-is-too-hot-and-stuffy-and-i-want-to-put-my-head-down-before-i-suffocate feeling like the time i watched that first aid video. =X did my best to tune out that conversation and listen to another one instead. would've much preferred she talk about her wedding plans for next year, even. =b

a search algorithm is the current bane of my worklife =b whoever coded it to return different numbers for a four-week range (e.g. june 24 2007 through july 21 2007) vs the sum of the same four weeks (e.g. june 24-30 + july 1-7 + july 8-14 + july 15-21) needs a nice swift kick to the... well, maybe some tech rep from the company providing the algorithm can explain wth they were(n't) thinking.

i liked reading about the whole privatization deal + chicago cubs sale on the company intranet site and going through all the FAQs. maybe because i actually understand it (read: the terminology, the rationale, the transaction steps) better after some of the classes i took.

the most depressing part of the latimes.com website: the homocide blog, which tries to chronicle every homocide in the area. but that's reality, and it sheds some light on the news that gets (mostly) ignored over news trash like paris hilton (which accounted for a spike in traffic on the site, naturally =b)

~* 11:26 p.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* werk-related ~*~ Saturday, June 16, 2007 *~

there are two lobbies, which confused me the very first time i came in for an interview (i went to the wrong lobby, though both are connected by a confusing twisting of passages), but it turns out it's because they're composed of at least two different buildings (with walkways between them on various floors) and an attached parking structure (i was assigned a spot on the roof, which is nice because it connects to the floor i work on and i avoid having to go downstairs and walk to the other separate parking structure after work).

it helps me a bit that the walls on the first floor hallways have framed front pages of the times so i can orient myself by remembering which headlines i've seen while walking around (having no sense of direction otherwise). it kinda reminds me of dwinelle hall at cal. only a lot more confusing.

so far i've been assigned a couple of larger projects, a short small project due tues, and at least two other projects i might be working on this summer. i spend so much time studying the website('s ads) that one upside is i'm constantly updated on the news, heh. a minor consideration is that i have to be in contact with various people at the parent company (chicago tribune) for some of the projects, and the 2-hour time difference limits the time i can do so, esp. considering i get in the office at 9.

one afternoon at the cafeteria the lady next to me at the italian food counter was insistent about getting her food on an actual plate as opposed to a styrofoam one or a plastic container, because she "hate(s) all the waste." i resisted the impulse to point out that the dish would need washing eventually, meaning water would have to be "waste(d)" anyway, not to mention the harmful detergent used to clean the plate getting into the water as well (which would need to be treated at a plant, expending even more energy, etc. etc.) to be fair, styrofoam never degrades. or something like that.

~* 11:26 p.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* "keekle" ~*~ Wednesday, June 13, 2007 *~

i love how chopper reacts to compliments (esp. his happy dances while yelling insults)

Doctor: I've been a doctor for 40 years now, and I had no idea such medical techniques existed! My, this is truly exquisite. You're so young and I can't even help you in the slightest!

Chopper can't take a compliment
Chopper: Shut up! Quit staring at me! Moron! Get the hell away from me, asshole! *pushes a cup of tea towards the doctor with a huge grin while pulling a chair back* (see above picture)

Doctor: Can I take that to mean: "Please, have some tea and observe all you like"?

Princess Vivi: I think so!

Doctor: Goodness! This is so extraordinary!

Chopper: Shut up...

Doctor: You are so talented! I'm extremely impressed!

Chopper: Shut up and get the hell away from me, asshole!


Ling & Chopper =)
i'm a sucker for cute things. especially when they include pandas.

~* 09:33 p.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* interlude ~*~ Thursday, June 7, 2007 *~

there is a rubber ducky next to the bathtub!!!

er, backing up a bit. today is the first day of the internship, though it should've been monday except they were still waiting for my background check & drug test to clear. today is also the 1.5 day biannual sales meeting, and it's being held off-site at a beachfront hotel in hermosa beach (a 30-min drive w/o traffic; took me an hour with some traffic and missing the exit, whoops) from this morning to tomorrow afternoon. this morning and afternoon consisted of a lot of different speakers, lots of information, and by lunchtime i was struggling because my sleeping schedule (or lack thereof) was messing me up. i haven't slept properly/sufficiently ever since i got back. 8am, 4am, 5am, 5am, 4am... 12pm, 5am, 7am... managed to doze off at 3am last night only to wake up at 4am, mutter.

everyone has been very friendly so far. the hotel room is huge, and this off-site meeting is definitely an interesting way to begin an internship.

and there is a rubber ducky by the bathtub. i've never had one before.


oh yes. easily amused.

~* 04:38 p.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* meh, part 1 ~*~ Tuesday, June 5, 2007 *~

this has been bothering me for most of the past school year, and it still bothers me now -- i can't sort it out. it really has less to do with school itself and more to do with the conflict between intentions and interpretations of certain behaviours. i'm even having trouble putting it into words or a logical order to explain...

should i be insulted or indifferent to certain "beneficial" double standards between the sexes? is probably the heart of the matter, but it's still a vague blanket question.

the one particular example that i've pondered on various occasions is the time i was out at a bar with a small group of my classmates/friends and one of the guys apologized for swearing in my presence (being the only female). i said it didn't bother me, and he explained that it was the polite thing to do because it wasn't right to swear in front of a lady. so of course i'm not asking him to be rude, right? the intention appears to be good, but had i not been present, there wouldn't have been an apology by him to the other guys for letting slip an f bomb (like i haven't heard worse, heh).

i asked another classmate a few weeks ago on what he thought about it, and he seemed to agree with the fact that the apology was necessary -- and that it's better that way, because i wouldn't want to hear what uncensored things guys talk about around each other, right? i need to be shielded from that, as a female. but it's okay for the guys to be that way around each other.

in all honesty i'm mostly indifferent but i wonder if i shouldn't be. it makes me wonder where to draw the line between letting things be and taking a countering stance -- i.e. don't make a big deal out of some little thing vs. i should be concerned that this double standard of treatment is being applied to me because if i tolerate "beneficial" double standards i'd be a hypocrite for protesting more negative double standards regarding how i'm treated.

but it's not like i want to be antagonistic and difficult. a part of me just feels as though i can never really belong, but maybe that has nothing to do with being female...

~* 11:07 p.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* overdose of cute. ~*~ Sunday, June 3, 2007 *~

Tony Tony Chopper holding a panda!

~* 03:52 p.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* done ~*~ Wednesday, May 9, 2007 *~

it's beginning to feel like summer here. it's going to feel even worse (e.g. humid) over there. i'll be gone from may 11-27 (vietnam 11-15, thailand 16-20 [at least if not longer], cambodia ?)... it's kinda exciting but i've got other worries on my mind as well (in other words, nothing new).


get involved -> have fun.


tony tony chopper = cuteness =)


happy birthday, mi-chan~

~* 01:04 a.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* 'i'm alive / i think it's time to live / like i am' ~*~ Friday, April 27, 2007 *~

finally, officially done with the first year of grad school classes... "just" some finals now =b and then off to vietnam/thailand...


i think i've finally learned how to have fun this past year. it's rather funny that it took so long. *thinks back 10 years*


the top eleven of the moment:

  1. dashboard confessional - stolen
  2. the system - circles
  3. the vla - terra firma
  4. jimmy eat world - just tonight...
  5. ashley macissac - sleepy maggie
  6. shivaree - goodnight moon
  7. andain - beautiful things
  8. r.e.m. - losing my religion
  9. ne-yo - because of you
  10. three days grace - animal i have become
  11. peach union - on my own


"女人心, 海底針" ;)

~* 02:27 p.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* lullaby? ~*~ Thursday, April 5, 2007 *~

lately i don't go to sleep before i listen to ashley macissac's rendition of "sleepy maggie". the violin is soothing.

~* 07:29 a.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* melancholia ~*~ Monday, March 19, 2007 *~

have you ever lain awake at night
wondering if that person will be the only one
who will ever love you like that?

~* 11:52 p.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* whoops ~*~ Friday, March 9, 2007 *~

didn't realize that i had posted the wrong link a few entries back... i had meant to post this video about eating sushi at a sushiya. the link in the older post was actually from a classmate's *voice drops to a whisper*xanga. *ahem* anyway, it was mocking consulting-style powerpoint presentations, and is quite enjoyable.

~* 10:24 p.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* 8-minute recap ~*~ Saturday, March 3, 2007 *~

(14:27:32) jan: yoo
(14:27:36) jan: how was your bday??
(14:27:43) me: great fun
(14:27:47) jan: what'd you do
(14:27:55) me: pub crawl in santa monica with classmates
(14:28:07) jan: oh
(14:28:10) jan: fun?
(14:28:14) me: lots
(14:28:25) jan: coolbeans
(14:28:31) jan: still not drinking?
(14:28:47) me: i didn't have much choice yesterday =b
(14:28:53) jan: har har
(14:28:56) jan: what do you usually drink
(14:28:59) jan: girly drinks?
(14:29:14) jan: oh if you don't like the taste of alcohol you'll probably like amaretto sours
(14:29:16) jan: and midori sours
(14:29:27) me: i don't drink, but i had drinks yesterday
(14:29:32) jan: what did you have
(14:29:50) me: i started out with a couple of hard lemonades, a pear cider
(14:29:55) me: that was at the first bar
(14:30:00) jan: ah
(14:30:07) jan: girly malt beverages
(14:30:14) me: the second bar someone bought me a rasperry lemonade but it was too strong so i didn't finish it
(14:31:19) me: third bar i had to do half a shot of "liquid cocaine", had a sip of someone's amaretto sour (didn't like it), had some midori sour (it was okay), then after they sang happy birthday to me (again) the bartender gave me "the stoplight" (a shot of something red, a shot of something yellow, and a shot of something green) on the house.
(14:31:34) jan: haha
(14:31:35) me: took a sip of each but i had to finish the green shot, whatever it was
(14:31:41) jan: gross
(14:31:50) me: yeah
(14:31:55) me: i was so woozy
(14:32:00) me: 4th bar i ate food
(14:32:03) me: felt better
(14:32:05) jan: haha
(14:32:12) jan: you kept pretty good track of what you drank
(14:32:13) jan: weirdo
(14:32:37) me: still recovering at bar #5, then at bar 6 (the last one) i had a shot of lemon drop, tried a couple sips of various beers, and finished with a shot of vodka
(14:32:47) me: yeah, i wasn't going to let myself lose consciousness or control
(14:32:52) me: so i was being really careful
(14:32:57) jan: haha
(14:33:01) jan: lemon drop
(14:33:03) jan: yum
(14:33:09) jan: ew shot of codka
(14:33:11) jan: vodka
(14:34:41) me: yeah but at that point i was woozy again
(14:34:56) jan: haha
(14:35:09) me: i crashed on my friend's couch
(14:35:48) jan: oh
(14:35:50) jan: cool/

it was a lovely day, all in all.

~* 03:01 p.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* i don't know ~*~ Friday, March 2, 2007 *~

Revenge of the Nerds, Marshall-style... if only i could've been there... but next year (assuming they don't schedule it to conflict with chinese new year!), i will be there! my classmates (particularly coremates) make me laugh.


i'm so glad third quarter is finally over. meh classes, and nothing to show for it. negative npv...!


i am in for it today. =b

~* 12:03 a.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* randomness ~*~ Tuesday, February 27, 2007 *~

How to Eat Sushi at a Sushi-ya, you clueless gaijin ^^*


song lyrics that make me wonder sometimes:

"and her body built just like a coke bottle" (hawt)

"i'm just a bedroom gangsta" (isn't that just ludacris? ;))

agh, there was another one i heard yesterday for the first time, but unfortunately it's already out of my short-term memory (on the upside, i've remembered where i've parked my car for the past couple days, huzzah). all i remember is that it's a rap song (surprise, surprise)


falling is easy, but landing hurts. a lot.


so here's a little game that might sound familiar; it's called "two lies and a truth" (or the variation "two truths and a lie"; i'm not sure which is the original), and i intend to use it to illustrate "Why I Should Not Drink (Because I Do Enough Dumb Things While Completely Sober Around Drunk People; I Can't Even Imagine What Kind of Stupid Stunt I'd Pull If Not Sober)"

  • watch someone get teabagged
  • dance on a raised platform at a club
  • participate in a strip poker game

note that only one of the above is true, and no, i won't reveal the answer here, because a little mystery is fun.

~* 12:29 a.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* meh ~*~ Wednesday, February 21, 2007 *~

it's in my nature to dwell in the past. it's very difficult for me to move on unless i've made up my mind a long time in advance. which is not the case here, so... i'm still stuck here. decision paralysis.

i've been thinking, and overthinking, and over-overthinking yet some more. that is, when time permits. life keeps me busy and distracted but i can't really run away. i banished regret from my life years ago, so now i must keep it at bay.


heh, the program office must really realize this quarter is the roughest on everyone. unlike in the past two quarters, they've actually spaced out the #^#$@ finals. in the past, it was basically three consecutive days of finals, one each day. which hurts a lot. this quarter, it's slightly less stressful. there was one today (management accounting). there will be another next monday (global econ), and the last next wednesday (operations). the electives are, mercifully, semester-long classes, and only one has midterms (the first of two i got back today, huzzah).

academically i find myself learning, but time constraints don't allow me to absorb everything i would like. some of the classes are so poorly taught compared to my undergrad classes, too... but eh. i've long since learned that classes are a secondary priority in b-school. it's getting an internship/job that matters the most.


so, academic stuff aside, i'm happy here, because the people are making everything worthwhile. i floated on the periphery of various cliques/groups last semester, but post-ny i've settled in with the 'crazy finance crew' (while retaining my peripheral positions in a few other cliques) those who know me probably won't be surprised to learn it's a crowd of guys, who treat me as though i'm almost like 'one of the guys.' i say crazy because they really do 'work hard, play hard'... smart people but when they party some of them get utterly wasted. makes for interesting antics... more so because i'm the only sober one who remembers things. =b

so one of my friends has planned a pub crawl for next friday for our core, to celebrate the end of third quarter finals. i'm going, but i don't drink... i just like hanging out with everyone. except because of the date... i have a feeling i'll be under a bit of pressure.


~* 12:04 a.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* tidbits ~*~ Thursday, February 8, 2007 *~

i spend at least 5 minutes every school day feeling *really* irritated with myself because i didn't remember where i parked my car in the parking structure that morning and i have to wander around until i find it. -_-8


i was talking with a friend/classmate of mine, and he was annoyed about how some people in our class have serious entitlement issues with respect to the companies that come here to recruit. it seemed to him that these people felt they did not get what they were paying for (i.e. he got the impression that they expected the companies they wanted to work for to 'be served to them on a silver platter'), but he felt that even though we've paid to be here, we still have to work for what we want (which is true, and how it should be). it got me thinking, though, because i can see the issue from both perspectives (though he has very valid points about those people).

the situation is that our career center has fostered relationships with specific companies, and while not all of them are extremely large companies, most all of them are respectable companies. most all of them take the time and effort to come to campus at least once to put on an informative presentation.

the problem arises when resumes/applications are due, and no one/very few people submit because they aren't interested in the company. this upsets those companies because they put in the effort for pretty much nothing, and then the relationship between the company and the school is damaged.

from overhearing several of my classmates, there's no point in submitting for a company you have no interest in working for, as it's a waste of time/effort for everyone involved. why put in so much effort to create a stellar application and get an interview for a company you aren't enthused about in the first place? besides, you would end up making yourself and the school look bad if you turned in a half-hearted application anyway...

my friend's view is that that perspective is extremely selfish and shortsighted, because not only do you damage the relationship between the school and the company, but you've damaged the relationship for future students, who *may* have been interested in working for those companies. he also argues, how can our school expect to cultivate relations with larger companies if we can't even retain the smaller companies? what kind of message does this send to recruiters? he thinks people should at least put in the due diligence of submitting decent applications to help preserve the established relationship with those smaller/medium companies.

i wonder, how and can there be a kind of balance for this type of conflict of interest?


haha, jo, you are such a dork. dude, where's my car? ;)


dear cnn, why are you so retarded? was it really necessary to spend hours reporting the death of anna nicole smith even though you had less than a minute's worth of actual information to report? last i heard, people are still dying in iraq. sincerely, me.

~* 09:39 p.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* same old ~*~ Wednesday, February 7, 2007 *~

googling abayo gives that as the first result ... i'm somewhat amused that this person is completely unaware of the connotation of the phrase. which only serves to remind me to be careful with my use of language as well, even in english. =b


it's only been a week, but i've been wanting this month to be over ever since the 1st. it's been rough, it continues to be rough, and it will remain rough for a while.

if it weren't for 00 i'm not sure how i would've gotten through this past week. i am thankful for her, and she knows it.


what a way to end another year. =/

~* 10:35 p.m. *~ ~*~ *~


~* new york times ~*~ Sunday, January 28, 2007 *~

simply put, i had a great time in ny last month. some of the company visits were more interesting than others, but the real value was going out every night with my classmates and meeting/getting to know some of the ones i only knew in passing. most of the good experiences here have been the people, and the mediocre ones have been related to class... oh well.

~* 03:05 p.m. *~ ~*~ *~


About this layout: taken at masterfoods in new jersey when i went for a company site visit last december during the new york trip... really cute sign, all over the parking lots. =)

My Virtual Space (all the actual content is hidden)

Online avatars: sakusha, (miss)meiris, gidget (among others)
Contact: sakusha1125 @ yahoo dot com
About me: I'm a second year grad student partly because I have a passion for knowing things. I'm enjoying the experience despite the fact that most of what I'm learning takes place outside of a classroom setting. I'm fairly true to my MBTI result (INFP) though more and more I seek the company of my friends because I have fun around them. I hate uncertainty, confusion, arrogance, regret, dishonesty, and jealousy, among other things. I love pandas. I am somewhat random. And there are times I want to do something unexpected so people will react with "I didn't think you were capable of doing that!" or "You didn't seem like that kind of person..." because the last thing I want to be is predictable. I struggle against it daily.

Blogs of Interest
People I Know
jooh!: .c o o k i e m e. .d o o k i e y o u.
janet: superjanet
geriberi: silverxcrystal
little boy: Someplace in the between my blank stare
moocow: MooCowsgoMOO
kisakichi: Tokyofish
michan: sabi suki
luke: aznbro78
jz: zhanism
kei: kei's blog
lil bitter: GBpicnicworld
sheeplet: the wee fuzzy one
lacrifish: aquafantasy
lizzy: Lizzycat
qin: Q-tips
barbie_bei: barbie_bei
People I Don't Know but Spy on Anyway
BWG: Adventures of a Big White Guy living in Hong Kong
pinkerton: Pinkerton's Weblog
Boing Boing Boing Boing

Old *space*

News Sites I Often/Sometimes Read
BBC News Online
Los Angeles Times Online (reg-req'd)
New York Times Online (reg-req'd)
Xinhua (yeah, i know it's state-run and very biased... but they have good panda pictures~)

mmm...pitas... =)

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